The Beginning!

Yo, yo, yo, what’s crack-a-lackin’ internet peeps? How are all my homedawgs doing?

I have decided that I am going to start blogging, and I am super excited to be a blogger! Recently, it has felt like my anxiety has taken control of my life, and this has been very frustrating. So, I am going to make conscious efforts to show my anxiety who’s boss: me!

I will soon be graduating high school and starting college, and the prospect of growing up and becoming an independent, self-sufficient adult is daunting. I need to gain control of my issues. I need to feel like a warrior, not a victim. In order to do so, I need to make some changes!

I love writing, and I think that having a blog will be very helpful. I will be treating this blog as a journal, where I can be open and vulnerable with my thoughts, feelings, and some of my personal conflicts. Connection is the glue that binds the world, and I hope people read my thoughts and feelings and can connect in some way to my life which will in turn connect me to the world.

Making friends has never been a strength of mine, and this has contributed to the isolation I have experienced in many ways for the majority of my life. I am on a mission to change that. And it starts now.

I seek to gain connections. I seek to feel wanted. I want people to value my presence. I don’t want to be seen as invisible or boring or uninteresting. I want people to see me. There is more to me than meets the eye.

Over a couple years ago, when I was in the midst of a major depression and debilitated by my OCD, I began a journey to achieve a positive well-being. I began this journey at a wilderness program (after all of my experiences and the abundance of knowledge I have obtained since the beginning [which started out as assumptions that were proved false], I have a lot of anger toward the Troubled Teen Industry (wilderness programs are part of this industry) and the methods they use in their programs. They claim that they treat people in ways that are beneficial and therapeutic, with love and kindness, and this information is misleading. It is incredibly frustrating that this billion dollar industry that is rampant with abuse continues to exist. I began my experience at this program with a lack of information as well as misleading information. I want anyone who’s reading this to know that I do not support these programs and the mistreatment they use.) Despite the disgusting and disheartening realities of these programs, I left treatment with newfound knowledge that I have used to grow in my loving and supportive home environment. One activity that I completed as a part of the curriculum of my wilderness program was creating an “intent statement”. This is a statement that you want to and intend to live up to. Think of it like a mantra. Whenever you get to a new point (or any other point) in your life where you need a different mantra, you can create a new one. I think that this is a positive way to encourage and motivate yourself, and I was recently thinking about my previous intent statement and how it is not the mantra that I most need at this point in my life.

My previous intent statement (if I remember it correctly) was:

“I am a passionate and motivated young woman who accomplishes her goals!”

Since I created this statement, I have evolved so much, and now I need different nutrients to help me grow.

With that being said, it brings me great joy to share my intent statement or mantra for this point (right now!) in my life (which, I should add, is more than one statement, as a mantra can be whatever you want it to be, whatever means something to you, and whatever will help you grow):

“I am an independent and valuable chrysanthemum who exudes confidence and strength in her visions and feels she is enough! I am a flower who creates a warrior from her worries and is going to change the world!”

Ahhh!!! It makes me so happy to have my first blog post out in the world! I am eager to write more for this journal of mine and to continue to share my musings with the world!

My beautiful butterflies, I love you all! Continue buzzing, honeybees, and “Bloom where you are planted!”

Keep moving forward.

Love and sunshine,

Jean

😘🦋🐝🐞🌱🌳💐🌷🌼🌻☀️🌈🍭🍪❤️💛💚💙💜💓💗💖💝

Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if you are struggling or are in need of support.

giovannagiovanna2019@yahoo.com